I have had a terrible day. And yesterday was horrible too.
Please people, I'm going insane. I'm going COMPETELY CRAZY.
Saturday, I completely broke. I resorted to send begging texts to my friend, 'Help me'.
Today, I'm doing just as bad.
Okay, what went wrong today?
At my CAMHS meeting I got into an arguement with my CAMHS worker Emma
I only held it together enough to attend one lesson today
My little sister broke out of the house and my mum and I had to run after her
My little sister got into my room and caused havoc in there, making a tip of it
Justin, my depression, makes me feel like committing suicide
NO... NOTHING WENT MOTHERFUCKING WRONG TODAY, NOTHING AT ALL...
I've actually cried a few times today. I cannot stress what an achivement that that is. I struggle to cry. It kind of clarifies how fucking rotten and depressed and worthless I feel...
Sorry. It doesn't help that Tammy leaves for Maurino in less than a month. She's already had a teatime visit. She seemed to enjoy it there. But every moment I see her... it's a reminder...
Please people, I'm going insane. I'm going COMPETELY CRAZY.
Saturday, I completely broke. I resorted to send begging texts to my friend, 'Help me'.
Today, I'm doing just as bad.
Okay, what went wrong today?
At my CAMHS meeting I got into an arguement with my CAMHS worker Emma
I only held it together enough to attend one lesson today
My little sister broke out of the house and my mum and I had to run after her
My little sister got into my room and caused havoc in there, making a tip of it
Justin, my depression, makes me feel like committing suicide
NO... NOTHING WENT MOTHERFUCKING WRONG TODAY, NOTHING AT ALL...
I've actually cried a few times today. I cannot stress what an achivement that that is. I struggle to cry. It kind of clarifies how fucking rotten and depressed and worthless I feel...
Sorry. It doesn't help that Tammy leaves for Maurino in less than a month. She's already had a teatime visit. She seemed to enjoy it there. But every moment I see her... it's a reminder...
TIME IS RUNNING OUT.
I CANNOT FUCKING STOP IT.
MY WORLD IS ENDING.
And nobody can save the tiny little girl stuck in the chokehold from her nightmares.
...So long... goodnight...
...So long... goodnight...
I'm sorry to hear all that, Mella. Unfortunately, the only thing I can do is tell you to hang in there, because that is the only way anything is going to get better. It is true what they say that time heals all wounds. You are a strong, caring, wonderful person, and losing you would be a loss to the entire world, especially me, your family, and all of the people on Eerrily and the Jellicles!
ReplyDeleteWe all love you, are sending you good thoughts (whether they reach you or not), and are praying for thisgs to get better! *hugs*