Our budgie died today. At first we blamed the cat, but then we found her inside the washing machine… when we were taking a load out, after it had been on. I really need a hug right now. I just complimented you all, net friends, on how supportive you are… can I please ask me to show me that support again. I’m sad to say that Danielle Page appears to have left me… that doesn’t help matters. I don’t blame her though. Please guys… hug please? I need comfort. I’m feeling suicidal right now. Somebody show some love please. I feel abandoned.

I feel marooned in this body; deserted, my organs can go on without me…

That’s Panic! at the Disco, Trade Mistakes. They’ve pretty much explained it for me.

We’ll carry on, We’ll carry on, and though you’re dead and gone believe me, your memory will carry on…

That’s My Chemical Romance, Welcome to the Black Parade. YOU might be able to carry on, but I can’t. And Greeta, I flaming pray that your memory carries on… RIP girl…

The Only Hope for Me is You Alone

Yes, I'm stealing song titles from MCR. Somebody smack my hand.

I think though that there's something that I need to mention.

I was at a CAMHS meeting today, and I metioned my blog to my CAMHS worker, and we got talking about my internet friends. Here's the thing. Because of my mad family life, I'm sometimes overlooked at home. So what do I do? I turn to my internet friends. My Cats the musical fandom friends, my blog followers... and here's the thing. I'll say it again.

The only hope for me is you alone! ~ My Chemical Romance, The Only Hope for Me is You.

This is aimed at you, my internet freinds. You make me feel like I actually have even a vague significance in this life. In several ways, you catch e when I fall. MCR may be, and is, very important in my life. But you do something that they don't. You actually talk to me. You give me the pep talks. You accept all the depressive abuse I aim at you and give comfort when I need it the most. You give me the hugs that I need, when I need them, the hugs that I don't get outside of the computer screen. Thank you, my 'net friends. I say it agian, because it's true.

The Only Hope for Me is you alone!!!

Huge thank you hugs for Amby, Phoenix, Lini, Jemi, Tazie, Li, Danielle Page, QR, Kalli, and anyone else who I may have forgotten. You've shared stories with me that Might just be enough to make it through today, even with Justin about. Love you all.

Hello...

Playground school bell rings again

Rainclouds come to play again

Has no-one told you she's not breathing?

Hello, I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to... hello...

Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide... don't cry...

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping... Hello, I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday...!

Please pardon my misery. Justin just isn't leaving me alone. All of the above quotes are from Evanescence's song Hello. Really.. that's how I feel right now. Other than the three fabulous followers of my blog, which are the only thing that makes me feel even remotely appreciated right now... I feel like I'm disapearing. And no, even though I have countless times said that their lyrics can explain my life better than I can, I am not laying reference to My Chemical Romance's This is how I disappear. I feel so lonely right now... so cold... so alone. This is one of the few places on the earth that I feel that I can be truly honest about the matters in my life. Even having just said that, it, I imagine, will be impossible to ever truly tell anyone completely how I feel. But I guess this is as honest as it gets.Here goes...

 I WANT TO DIE.

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE.

END OF.

FULL STOP.

PERIOD.

I know that I'm little miss depressing.

And it was beautifully depressing, like a streetcar named Desire, they were fighting for their love that had started growing tired...

Sorry. That's Panic! at the Disco, Memories. I appreciate that I talk a lot of song lyrics, but what can I say? Lyrics explain my life better than I do.

With these non-stop lyrics of life-living, Not to be forgotten but still unforgiven...

Again, sorry. That was Linkin Park's Nobody's Listening.

Maybe I am just what My Chemical Romance say in their song Disenchanted... I think I'm surrendering...

You're just a sad song with nothing to say

Here's my final plea to anyone that both can and will... this is Evanescence again, Bring me to Life...

Call my name and save me from the dark

PLEASE. Somebody save me!

22nd July 2011

I've been low all day today... strange, it's the first day of the summer holiday, I should be celebrating! But still, C'est la vie, Justin just won't go away.

Oh, and today, another of the animals peed on me. Jake, one of our two Yorkshire Terriers. Ya gotta love them...

19th July 2011

So today... what happened.... well, what is more important is what happened yesterday, to be more presise, yesterday evening. My depression, or Justin Beiber, as I call it, came to visit. I mean, really badly. I was literally suicidal. I f had not called my friend, who happens to be a follower of my blog, I would have committed suicide. I could have accessed Ibuprofen and overdosed on it, or I could have alternatively slit my throat or stabbed myself with one of the multiple knives in the kitchen. I'd gone down to make myself a drink, one which involved the kettle, and I was literally gripping the kitchen work surface, forcing myself not to deliberately scauld myself or to commit suicide. So yeah... I owe my life to my friend. 

Today was a bit lighter... after a long day at school, I did my usual act of getting out my guinea pigs, Gerard-Ray and Mikey-Frank (can you guess who I named them after?) before feeding them. Gerard decided to climb over the crotch of my trousers, which obviously made me giggle. Mum simply said that he's just proving that he's a man... and he then preceeded to pee on me. It's not the first time one of them has  - Mikey did before - but Gerard HAD to pee on my crotch. It made me look like I'd peed myself. Yep, my guinea pigs. You've got to love them... 

Mad Morning at Exmouth

So, after my first post, I felt like leaving it one day before I started doing what I got this blog for, and that's basically blogging about my life, to see who actually cares about me.

Today, Mum, Dad, my two autistic sisters, Ellie and Tammy, went out to Exmouth for a morning out, and so that Dad could could drop the recycling off at the recycling yard. While we were in a shop called 'Just a Pound', when we were at the checkout, my little sister decided to escape my big sister's grip and try to go get a particular kind of sweet she's obsessed with - Choc Dips. I was the one that went running out after her, and stopped her from opening it up and eating it. After all, if you saw a kid doing that, you'd wonder what the hell they were doing, wouldn't you? So after making her put it down and dragging her back to the checkout, it was fairly uneventful... thank christ. But still, I wish she wouldn't do that.

Oh, and by the way, if anybody got the Kerrang! issue based around The Big Four and Mastodon last week... the girl that sent in letter of the week.... Kat from Devon... THAT'S ME!!! Gerard-Ray and Mikey-Frank are my guinea pigs and I almost had heard failure when I realised that it was my letter that had been chosen! I actually went to bed hugging the magazine! My £50 zavvi.com voucher hasn't arrived yet, but I have sent off my details... it should just be a matter of time...

Hello!

This is my first post and I felt like saying hello to whoever might read it. (: