Yes, I am playing about with the lyrics of 'Welcome to the Black Parade', from my gods, My Chemical Romance. AND YES, I DO KNOW THAT I ONLY POSTED EARLIER.... but the impossible has happened.
I have listened all the way through the album, the best album in the world, 'The Black Parade', by My Chemical Romance... but it hasn't kicked Justin out. Even when my depression is this bad, it normally only takes a few tracks to pull me out of it, or at least, mostly. It's not fucking fair, pardon my language. Justin, the motherfucker, refuses to be shown the door. Right now, all My Chemical Romance is doing is stopping me self-harming or committing suicide. I am afraid that I am so upset and pissed off that I will swear, even though I have trained myself NOT to swear because pretty much everyone prefers it that way.
Half of me is screaming myself to insanity, screaming "WHY CAN'T YOU PICK ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING VICTIM AND LEAVE ME ALONE FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES?!?!?!!!!!!!"
The other half of me prays that nobody else in the universe ever in a million years feels as fucking rotten and worthless as I do right now. I've said it lots of times before, and I'll say it again... even though I think that it's the first time that I've said it online... if I could, then I would take all of the pain, hate, sin, suffering, heartbreak and every other fucking bad thing in the universe and put it upon myself, so that nobody could ever feel as terrible as I do.
My world is shaking. Everything about it... nothing is certain. I don't know if my little autistic sister is going to be taken away from me by the bastards at social services or not. There are things about my past which I know that I cannot change but I would give almost anything to change, and some of those which I am uncertain about. I'm not really certain about anything anymore. My sexuality... my mind is ticking am I bisexual? Am I hetrosexual? Am I bisexual? Am I hetrosexual? At the same time I'm not certain if my family is going to be ripped apart by bastards or if my family is going to be permitted to remain in one peice. At the same time I've Justin in my head chanting kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself. At the same time I've got my needs of my family nagging at me and guess what? With all of this AND A FUCKLOAD OF A LOT MORE, little lady Kathy can't cope. Little lady Kathy tries to hide everything from everyone else so that they don't get hurt and guess what? Little lady Kathy gets hurt even more bcause she's not taking her iwn needs into consideration when she's continually tring to think of everyone else and so she does try to take care of herself, guess what? Nobody's used to Little lady Kathy trying to put herself first and so everyone is like " What the hell? You're thinking of yourself? NO NO NO, think of ME, put ME first!!!" And so Little lady Kathy does and with all of this fucking confusion going on in this kid's mind... she explodes. But then of course, she's not meant to do that and gets a verbal spanking from social services and so the hateful cycle carries on. Are you FUCKING SURPRISED that I want to die?
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